Top 5 Things About My Ex
Before you get the wrong impression from the title of this post, let me mention that I am happily married to someone else and so is my Ex.
Perhaps this should be categorized under tales of the weird, as I don’t personally know anyone else who shares this type of relationship with their Ex.
We see one another regularly, talk by phone more often than that, and are used to sitting together at our kids’ activities. The connection between you needs to remain strong and functional when you are raising kids together from separate households.
Recently I spent some time alone with this former spouse of mine, driving together to and from one of our boy’s baseball games, about a 5 hour round trip. We got lost briefly and were late to the game (that was pretty much all my fault), but he didn’t get upset. WOW!
16 years of not living together has transformed us into better friends than we ever were before we were married. I really appreciate this guy, and here are some of the reasons why:
1. He is funny. He’s not much for technology, so when he called one day to discuss something concerning one of our kids he was amazed that I knew it was him on the phone. I explained that my caller ID displayed a picture of him when the phone rang. He asked if the picture had a big X through it, as in Ex spouse. Ok, ok, that’s not that funny. But he is funny enough that our kids think he’s a comedian. There’s more.
2. He is a great dad who helped make joint custody a success. From the time we separated, there was never a question about what kind of dad he would be. He already had a winning track record in that area. Our kids loaded up their favorite belongings into Glad Trash bags and lugged them back and forth between our houses every week. Because he shopped, cooked, cleaned and did laundry, the kids learned early how to do those things, too. Pretty impressive when an 8 year old does his own wash! On top of that, he coached their basketball and little league teams and now one of our kids is playing college baseball, citing his dad as his best coach. Convinced yet?
3. His family rocks. In 1971 I took the Chicago Northwestern commuter train out to its last stop and walked from the train up Main Street to his mom’s cafe. There were his aunts bustling around taking orders, serving them up and washing dishes. There was his mom holding a Dutch Apple pie in one hand and a spatula in the other, ready to welcome me with a big slice and a hot cup of coffee. Who wouldn’t fall in love with a family like that? I’d been thinking he was a good guy, but his family sealed the deal. That is the main thing that lead to our marriage, which lasted 17 years. That family love fest is contagious, and our kids have it for all their relatives, too. Plus, every single one of us lists Dutch Apple pie as our favorite desert. What a great legacy.
4. He is now married to someone I set him up with. Ok, that one sounds really weird and self aggrandizing. She (the wife) is actually someone I was becoming friends with after he and I split up. It occurred to me that she might be a nice match for him so I just casually mentioned it to both of them. What can I say? That was about 14 years ago and it just worked out. I like that they could both look beyond my former relationship with him and begin one of their own.
5. Biggest and best: he recovered from cancer. The call came late at night, about two years ago. No need to revisit that evening in more detail, except to say I drove my youngest son over to see his dad right then and the three of us sat up for hours crying and hugging. Only months earlier, Ex’s only brother had received the SAME diagnosis. His brother died a year ago, but my Ex is healthy today because he took care of himself. My children still have a dad who is now tempered by the experience and is somehow a finer version of himself. We all see it and celebrate it.
To survive a divorce when you live in a small town sure seems tough when it’s happening. To survive cancer is far tougher. To find a way to view your Ex and her husband and stepkids as a part of one’s own large family is to live in grace. Such unexpected blessings, lots of laughter and some gnashing of teeth is not unlike the self employment journey!
By the way, this post is being submitted to ProBlogger’s Group Writing Project.
Pingback // May 7th, 2007 // 10:35 pm
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Comment // May 8th, 2007 // 5:00 am
This post is inspirational, there’s not a lot of people that can still respect their ex
Pingback // May 8th, 2007 // 6:27 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Comment // May 8th, 2007 // 8:29 am
Many breakups, whatever the cause may be, often lead to bad relationships. This is a very common thing especially in the modern world.
Once a couple has broken up, they tend to make some distance from each other. This is very normal because there must be some space to let the wounds heal. However, many tend to drift further away as years pass.
Which is why your story deviates away from others. It is a good post that is a must read for all those people who had a breakup in their lives.
Thanks for your post.
If you have time, why don’t you drop by my post:
http://mobileko.blogspot.com/2007/05/snatch-top-5-tips-on-how-to-be.html
It’s also an entry for the problogger top 5- group writing project. ^^ Goodluck to us all!
Comment // May 8th, 2007 // 9:14 am
I have a friend who has a better friendship with her ex than when they were married. It’s a win-win situation for the kids. Sounds a lot like what you wrote here.
Pingback // May 8th, 2007 // 10:11 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Comment // May 8th, 2007 // 12:57 pm
Lovely post I really enjoyed that – your title caught my eye on problogger and I thought it was going to be a negative rant – how wrong was I …..left me feeling all warm inside
Sounds like a lovely guy and great to hear you are such good friends !
Alistair
Comment // May 8th, 2007 // 2:23 pm
Nice post. I’m another one that skimmed the titles on problogger and picked yours.
I expected it to be funny but it was more than that.
Cheers, Christine
Comment // May 8th, 2007 // 5:53 pm
Wow, great post. I wish that my ex-husband and I had the same kind of relationship that you and your ex have. That rocks that you guys can be so cool with each other.
I read this on problogger and thought too that this would be a rant. It’s good to hear exes ‘talking up’ one another, it’s a refreshing change
Pingback // May 9th, 2007 // 1:04 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 9th, 2007 // 5:18 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 9th, 2007 // 5:18 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Comment // May 9th, 2007 // 7:39 am
I thought you will tell us a bad things about your ex. Do you still love him?
Pingback // May 9th, 2007 // 8:00 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Comment // May 9th, 2007 // 8:02 am
To publicly list bad things about someone seems mean spirited and pointless. And that was not the topic of that post.
But to answer your question, no. I love my husband, not my Ex.
Trackback // May 9th, 2007 // 8:51 am
Lists of Top 5 Priorities on Bloggers’ Minds Today
Here are the top five priorities on Bloggers minds today – motivated by Darren Rowse's brain spike over at Problogger. Any topics here that would turn an ordinary day into an adventure for you? Become Blog Worthy by Sarakastic The T…
Comment // May 9th, 2007 // 3:43 pm
Wow! This sounds like a great relationship.
Comment // May 9th, 2007 // 6:36 pm
Congratulations to all of you, including your spouse, for uncommon maturity.
Pingback // May 9th, 2007 // 7:14 pm
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Trackback // May 10th, 2007 // 7:38 am
Check out these great Problogger posts – Day 3
Happy Thursday fitness freaks! I have some great health and fitness-related posts from the Problogger
Pingback // May 10th, 2007 // 11:37 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 10th, 2007 // 9:25 pm
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 11th, 2007 // 12:56 pm
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 11th, 2007 // 11:10 pm
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 11th, 2007 // 11:22 pm
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 12th, 2007 // 12:27 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 12th, 2007 // 12:35 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 12th, 2007 // 3:31 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 12th, 2007 // 3:45 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 12th, 2007 // 5:17 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 12th, 2007 // 7:30 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 12th, 2007 // 4:15 pm
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 12th, 2007 // 6:08 pm
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 12th, 2007 // 9:36 pm
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 12th, 2007 // 11:08 pm
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 13th, 2007 // 4:28 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 13th, 2007 // 7:20 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 13th, 2007 // 8:13 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 13th, 2007 // 5:31 pm
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 14th, 2007 // 4:24 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 14th, 2007 // 6:34 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 14th, 2007 // 9:17 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // May 16th, 2007 // 1:30 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // June 10th, 2007 // 9:58 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Comment // June 11th, 2007 // 6:19 pm
The number of people who link to Darren Rowse’s projects is staggering. For a good exercise in blogging, stay tuned to more of his Group Writing Projects. Just plan to clear your calendar for other activities during the week of the project. It takes a long time to comb through the abundance of posts submitted.
Pingback // July 25th, 2007 // 6:32 pm
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // August 11th, 2007 // 10:34 pm
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // August 18th, 2007 // 2:06 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // November 5th, 2007 // 4:13 am
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]
Pingback // October 30th, 2008 // 9:29 pm
[...] Top 5 Things About My Ex by Katie Baird [...]