The execution of thank you notes: questions from readers
This topic must be incredibly beguiling since so many people are searching for help with it. That, or simply very confusing and/or seasonal … grad and wedding season is upon us!
Here are a few questions I have received on the art of expressing thanks after publishing some other posts on the subject:
Question: Is it appropriate to hand-deliver a thank you note?
ktcosmos’ reply: Long ago, couriers and footmen delivered thank yous. They were met at the front door by butlers who then relayed them on a silver tray to the intended recipient. Today, I am guessing that etiquette recommends posting your message, but I say that a sincerely written note can be delivered in any way that works best for the sender.
Question: What should I say in a high school thank you note?
ktcosmos’ reply: Not sure if the asker intended to thank teachers for jobs well done or thank those who honored him/her with graduation gifts. The answer is always the same though: be sincere and give a specific example of what you are thanking someone for. Perhaps it was a teacher who always gave extra effort that you noticed. Or, if a gift, something that shows that the giver knows and cares about you.
Question: Can I have someone send out thank you notes on my behalf?
ktcosmos’ reply: Now, I am presuming the asker is a business person who intends to delegate the task of writing thank you notes to someone else. (If I am incorrect and the asker is a bride who wants to have her mom or someone else handle this, shame on you!)
I may take a beating on this, but here’s what I think. Writing thank yous is a DIY job.
If you believe you are so busy that you do not have time to write your own thank you notes, I would admonish you that you are way out of line. Thank you notes, whether in business or personal life, are intimate expressions of gratitude for kindnesses extended to you by others, who found time in THEIR busy lives. No one is too busy to be able to execute that gesture on their own.
If you are writing a thank you (or having your designée do that for you) just as a way to suck up and get ahead, that’s equally lame.
Additional resources on writing your thank yous:
- www.PrescottWeddings.com’s Miss SOS can clear up and questions about thank yous related to wedding and shower gifts.
- Susan Ireland has some perfect business-related thank you samples on this part of her site, www.SusanIreland.com. Examples include writing to say thanks for interviews, job offers, rejections (yes, rejections! at least you were given the time of day and honored with a formal response!), informational interview, and to friends who helped with your job search. You’ll also find helpful video how-tos on Susan’s site.
- Susan’s blog, The Job Lounge, also has some great information on business situations requiring thank yous. My favorite is the “Good News” letter. Check it, and the video treatment on that, here.
Speaking of this, read some related posts elsewhere on Loosely Speaking:
Thank you one and all: giving credit where it’s due
Thank You Notes: Do You or Don’t You?
More on Thank You Notes Expressions of Appreciation
April Series: Answering the Question: Do I have to write thank you notes for graduation gifts?
End note: Just had a little surgery this a.m. and am not supposed to operate heavy equipment. Does that include my laptop??
Comment // May 14th, 2008 // 5:39 am
YES!
Comment // May 14th, 2008 // 7:40 am
When you said, “Thank you notes, whether in business or personal life, are intimate expressions of gratitude for kindnesses extended to you by others, who found time in THEIR busy lives.” Reminds me of the scene in the movie “9 to 5″ where the boss, Dabney Coleman sends his secretary, Dolly Parton, out to buy his wife a birthday present.
I agree a thank you note should be personal. However, for the sake of discussion here, I know Virtual Assistants who provide customer service follow up on behalf of their clients. Part of their responsibility is to send a thoughtful gift, i.e. a gift card, baked goods, etc. In a business to business scenario, is it really unacceptable for the Virtual Assistant of business owner #2 to send a thank you note to business owner #1 (who had a Virtual Assistant send the gift)?
Comment // May 14th, 2008 // 9:02 am
Mom, not sure what you’re giving a “YES” shout out to in the post… but thanks for commenting.
Lara, great scenario for debate. I know that many VAs and admin assistants do perform those services regularly. I have even done the gifts and card services for some clients and kept my opinions on that to myself.
I wouldn’t hold it against a service provider for fulfilling their client’s requests for handling gifts and thank yous, and it certainly doesn’t enter the realm of unethical. Rather, I guess I would say I would have a great deal of respect for a client I know takes care of the thanks on his/her own.
As to a VA who sends gift to client #2 for client #1 and THEN writes the acknowledment note on behalf of the recipient, that just feels so awkward to me.
If it’s in the work agreement the VA has with both clients, then it’s just another example of the range of services performed by VAs interested in keeping happy clients, but I would personally feel weird handling the entire exchange.
What does anyone else think?
Comment // May 14th, 2008 // 9:51 am
What a valuable topic, Katie. Thank you for offering it on your blog.
In today’s fast-moving world we often forget to show our gratitude to those who help us. It ’s the right thing to do, not only because it might bring a desired result(such as a job offer), but it feels good to say “thank you.” I think of it as the period or exclamation point at the end of a sentence. It’s just the right thing to do!
Comment // May 15th, 2008 // 8:14 am
Regarding your comment: “As to a VA who sends gift to client #2 for client #1 and THEN writes the acknowledment note on behalf of the recipient, that just feels so awkward to me.”
WOW! That is a scenario I had not considered. I also think it is an awkward situation. My original thought was two different clients with two different VAs.
The reason I posted my question was because many VAs participate in a greeting card program. The company offering the service markets to VAs by telling them they can create cards and have them mailed on behalf of their clients. The company offering the service also provides gifts that they will deliver with the cards. If current etiquette says thank you notes are a personal expression of gratitude, then how viable is a VA’s greeting card service?
I love correspondence. I think it is one of my skill sets. However, because it is such a personal expression, I am not confident in marketing “correspondence” as a service.
Comment // May 30th, 2008 // 8:46 pm
I’m glad I found this blog. It’s late but I’m going to read it all tomorrow.
Jennifer Goodwin - CEO
http://www.internetGIRLfriday.com
“We are a group of virtual assistants (people working from home offices) that will do your work (administrative, bookkeeping, personal) so you can have your free time back to do whatever you want with it.”