Here are a few questions I have received on the art of expressing thanks after publishing some other posts on the subject:

Question: Is it appropriate to hand-deliver a thank you note?

ktcosmos’ reply: Long ago, couriers and footmen delivered thank yous. They were met at the front door by butlers who then relayed them on a silver tray to the intended recipient. Today, I am guessing that etiquette recommends posting your message, but I say that a sincerely written note can be delivered in any way that works best for the sender.

Question: What should I say in a high school thank you note?

ktcosmos’ reply: Not sure if the asker intended to thank teachers for jobs well done or thank those who honored him/her with graduation gifts. The answer is always the same though: be sincere and give a specific example of what you are thanking someone for. Perhaps it was a teacher who always gave extra effort that you noticed. Or, if a gift, something that shows that the giver knows and cares about you.

Question: Can I have someone send out thank you notes on my behalf?

ktcosmos’ reply: Now, I am presuming the asker is a business person who intends to delegate the task of writing thank you notes to someone else. (If I am incorrect and the asker is a bride who wants to have her mom or someone else handle this, shame on you!)

I may take a beating on this, but here’s what I think. Writing thank yous is a DIY job.

If you believe you are so busy that you do not have time to write your own thank you notes, I would admonish you that you are way out of line. Thank you notes, whether in business or personal life, are intimate expressions of gratitude for kindnesses extended to you by others, who found time in THEIR busy lives. No one is too busy to be able to execute that gesture on their own.

If you are writing a thank you (or having your designée do that for you) just as a way to suck up and get ahead, that’s equally lame.

Additional resources on writing your thank yous:

• www.PrescottWeddings.com‘s Miss SOS can clear up and questions about thank yous related to wedding and shower gifts.

• Susan Ireland has some perfect business-related thank you samples on this part of her site, www.SusanIreland.com. Examples include writing to say thanks for interviews, job offers, rejections (yes, rejections! at least you were given the time of day and honored with a formal response!), informational interview, and to friends who helped with your job search. You’ll also find helpful video how-tos on Susan’s site.

• Susan’s blog, The Job Lounge, also has some great information on business situations requiring thank yous. My favorite is the “Good News” letter. Check it, and the video treatment on that, here.

Speaking of this, read some related posts elsewhere on Loosely Speaking:

Thank you one and all: giving credit where it’s due

Thank You Notes: Do You or Don’t You?

More on Thank You Notes Expressions of Appreciation

April Series: Answering the Question: Do I have to write thank you notes for graduation gifts?

End note: Just had a little surgery this a.m. and am not supposed to operate heavy equipment. Does that include my laptop??

The thank you note is one form of acknowledgment, but think about spreading the word about your good experiences publicly as well.

Here are some tips:

• Give public kudos in such places as: networking groups you attend, discussion groups you belong to, and on the various social networking communities you inhabit, like Twitter and LinkedIn (that’s what recommendations are for!).

• When you land a new job, thank EVERYone who had a role. How? Well, you might try the “Good News” letter that my colleague Susan Ireland describes on this video. (Susan is the author of The Idiot’s Guide to the Perfect Resume publisher of SusanIreland.com)

• Give plenty of link love. If you blog or have a website, identify the by name the resources you discovered when tracking down a solution to a challenge.

Speaking of this, read some related posts elsewhere on Loosely Speaking:

Thank You Notes: Do You or Don’t You?

More on Thank You Notes Expressions of Appreciation

April Series: Answering the Question: Do I have to write thank you notes for graduation gifts?

For us grownups and parents, we’ll receive announcements in the mail and tuck a little something in an envelope for the grad-to-be, along with our congratulations on his or her achievement.

For the grads, it’s a time of self awareness, exhilaration, and acknowledgment. Or maybe not the last one for some.

Moms and dads everywhere cross their fingers in hopes their grads will take the time to compose genuine expressions of appreciation to those remembered their special day.

Guest blogger Hazel Bowman helps you grads figure out just what to say in those thank you notes. Read on.

Attention Grads: Don’t Forget to Write!

From the time we were small children, we were taught three of the most important words that we would ever use in our every day vocabulary – “pleaseâ€? and “thank you.â€? What great words to learn. They’re never out of date nor out of vogue. In fact, you are judged by your ability to say them – whether in your personal life or throughout your career.

No where is the value of the word “thank you� more important than in a personal handwritten note. With graduation almost here, it’s quite likely that the graduate will receive a gift. Though unlimited in variety, as a rule of thumb the closer the giver is to the individual, the more elaborate the gift. Such kindness is to be rewarded with a thank you note.

A sincere note of thanks expressing enthusiasm (whether or not it is felt) should always be sent promptly, using expressions that are most natural to you. The note does not have to be long in length but should convey your appreciation for the giver’s thoughtfulness on such a commemorative occasion.

If you’re not too sure what to say in writing your note, here are some examples to help you get started:

Dear Aunt Carol,

I can’t thank you enough for the check you gave me which will go a long way in helping with my college expenses next year. As I plan to live on campus which is only a few hours away from where you live, I’m hoping that you can come and visit me on occasion when I start classes in the fall. You’re one of my favorite aunts and I would enjoy showing you my dorm in addition to giving you a tour of the university. Thanks again. You’re the best!
Your loving niece,
Cathy

Or

Dear Uncle Curt,

What a great duffle bag you gave me for my graduation! How did you know that I plan on taking a three week summer tour through Europe before delving into the academic world of hard study and homework? Did mom tip you off? It’s perfect for not only my trip but also all the times I plan on going home with dirty laundry stuffed in it for mom to wash. (Don’t let her know that – I plan on sweet talking her into it.) I really appreciate you thinking of me on my graduation day. It meant a lot.
Love,
John

Hazel Bowman is the publisher of PrescottWeddings.com and is a recognized authority on etiquette. Her alter-ego, “Miss SOS,” helps brides sort out thorny situations prior to their wedding day, and is regularly asked to address college seniors on business etiquette and protocol.

In fact, Miss SOS is available to speak at your company or business. In a world where our coworkers and clients are as likely to come from the other side of the globe as the other side of town, changes both subtle and radical are necessary in our manners. Miss SOS’ fun interactive presentation provides advice and guidelines relevant to our business lives today. Topics include: office decorum, business calls and introductions, entertaining and networking, cyberspace courtesies, and conducting business out of your home. To learn more, contact Miss SOS at PrescottWeddings@cableone.net.

Speaking of this, here are some related articles previously published at Loosely Speaking:

• More on Thank You Notes as Expressions of Appreciation
• Thank You Notes: do you or don’t you?

Getting ready for my annual winter holiday the last few days has me thinking again about that topic.

Here’s the thing.

I am fortunate to be able to close for a month every winter (five weeks this year) and still have some clients when I come back. Without them, I would not have a business. And that had me lying awake last night wondering, who all have I forgotten to thank?

What about our family physician, Dr. Bill Halterman?

We met him 24 years ago when, newly relocated to Prescott, one of our little boys became very ill. When we called the ER that night, this wonderful man happened to be on call and told us to meet him in the lobby rather than enter the ER area, so that we wouldn’t be charged for him seeing us. He quickly diagnosed an ear infection, gave us a prescription and told us to call his office for a follow in ten days.

Needless to say, our family has been in his care ever since. Just last week when one of my children was home from college and injured his knee, we went in to see him for a referral to an orthopedist. There was a 6 – 8 week wait for getting in to see a specialist, and we were resigned to that, even though son’s Division I baseball career begins in four weeks. Oh well, we thought, that’s the way it goes.

But, no. Our doctor took a look at my son and went into his office and personally called around to find someone who would see him two days later, on January 2. Without being asked, our doctor did that for our family.

The specialist’s office manager took me aside and made a point of letting me know what our doctor had done, and commented, “You are very lucky. That is a rare and wonderful doctor you have there.” Who does that??? How can I possible convey the gratitude I feel?

For this mom, it just comes back to a small gesture of gratitude: the thank you note, which I wrote just now.

Whatever you believe about their place in your business life, believe me, writing these notes to acknowledge the personal kindnesses you have experienced is a huge gesture. If you just spend one sleepness night thinking about the kindnesses you have failed to acknowledge, the chagrin alone should move you to action.

As you read this, I am taking a roadtrip to launch my holiday. Yes, I am closed, but I am thinking about you, my readers, and you, my clients, with a happy heart for all you have given me.

Thanks, and I will see you soon.

Speaking of this topic, read more here:

Thank You Notes: Do You or Don’t You?

The question is, do you write thank you notes? In some situations? Just to mark a momentous occasion, such as your own wedding or graduation? Always? Never?

Many adults I know (one gender in particular) believe that a sincere verbal thank you is sufficient. Yet another group of adults (also one gender in particular) insist that a handwritten thank you is mandatory following the receipt of a gift or an invitation to an event, like a dinner, or a party, or any other kind of generous act.

Just yesterday in “Dear Annie,” a woman wrote to complain that she had presented her husband (in his 50′s) with an address list and notecards following a birthday party she held for him, at which he balked and told her, “no way, I’ve already thanked everyone who attended.”

Ok, there is a lot that’s wrong with that situation!

In business, the rules are just as often differently-interpreted. If you write thank you notes to business acquaintances, you may be construed as refined, or sucking up, or simply old-fashioned, depending on the point of view of the recipient of your note.

One dear friend of mine is an etiquette expert and, as such, might be considered the final authority. This friend actually writes the best thank yous I have even read. Yet, she reports that she has been bombarded with many rationales for NOT writing them at all.

What about you? Do you think that hand-written thank you notes are archaic? Are they a convention invented by etiquette experts intended just to confuse the rest of us? Do you expect thank you notes when you do something nice? Is there anything wrong with using email to extend your thanks?

As for me, I think they are a lovely gesture, and, whenever someone does something nice for me, I try to remember to write one on a nice notecard, with one of my favorite pens.

When I receive one, I treasure it and leave it out on my desk for a long time.